In Short: Children of the Corn

Children of the Corn
Cast: David Anders, Kandyse McClure, Preston Bailey
Writer & Director: Brian P. Borchers
Release: 26 September 2009 (Sci-Fi Channel)
SyFy, 92 mins., Unrated

Plot: A married couple find themselves trapped in a town run by crazy religious children who fancy it their destiny to rid the world of adult "sinners" to appease their Lord of Corn...or something.

Confession time: I'm not a huge fan of the work of Stephen King, and thus haven't really read his books past the chapter two mark or watched his movies, with the exception of Stanley Kubrick's The Shinning. So this means I have never read Children of the Corn, nor seen the 1984 film. Ergo, I'll be judging this movie on its own merits. The sad thing is, though, there's not much to be said about this production. Leads David Anders (of "Heroes" fame, having played the villainous but lovable Tekzo Kensei) and Kandyse McClure (the beloved and tragic Dee of Sci-Fi's "Battlestar Galactica") are entirely unlikable, and if it wasn't for the honestly intriguing storyline as the basis of the movie, I'd probably turn the flick off. Of course, their characters are, true to the script, at the end of their marriage - hardly able to stand one another. However, that shouldn't mean the audience can't stand them either, let alone me wishing the 'children of the corn' sliced and diced their mouths off fifteen seconds into meeting them.

With two leads who can't hold my interest - although watching David Anders lose his mind in the cornfield around the hour mark was certainty delightful - the idea of this super religious cult who worship He Who Walks Behind the Rows, aka something in the corn...well, that's pretty intriguing. I haven't a clue the explanation in the original novel and movie, but from what I gather, there's a supernatural, if not God-like, entity residing within the corn (or possibly conceived by the corn?) and has the power to mind frak with intruders minds. It rests during daylight, but seizes the night., and apparently possesses the ability to 'show' folks physical manifestations of their memories. The entire third act, starting with Anders lost in the corn after awesomely swearing to kill at the "little shits", saves this remake from becoming a total waste of time.

Granted, the scripts fine, the cinematography is agreeable for a direct-to-DVD production, and the pacing works for creating a sense of tension. But the actors just can't cut it, from seasoned sci-fi vets like Anders and Kandyse to the relative child unknowns who impressively spout off scripture. If you're at the library and this title strikes your fancy, then by all means I encourage a rental. Just...I would caution a blind buy [though if you're reading this, and you choose to buy it, you're not really blind-buying it. Unless you bought it, and then decided to read this, which would be a blind buy. Yeah - how 'bouts that for words of wisdom for today?]. If there's one positive thing that came out of this experience: I now fondly think of a made-up episode of "Supernatural" where Sam and Dean make their way to Gatlin (?) and just beat the shit out of these kids and torch the corn. Problem solved. Yeah, watch "Supernatural." You'll love it.

The Karate Kid

The Karate Kid
Starring Jaden Smith, Jackie Chan, Taraji P. Henson
Written by Christopher Murphey
Based on the film "The Karate Kid" written by Robert Mark Kamen
Directed by Harald Zwart
Release: 11 June 2010
Columbia Pictures, 140 mins., Rated PG-13

Plot: 12-year old Drey from Detroit moves to China and gets bullied pretty ruthlessly, and gets the help of a martial arts master to teach him to control his anger and (possibly) kick these bullies asses in the process.

THE KARATE KID is a 'remake' of the 1984 film of the same name, world renowned for its "wax on, wax off" sequence. It's a bit unfair to even call this 2010 vehicle a 'remake', since it's by no means trying to remake the 1984 film. It takes the basis and (certain) elements from that film and turns it into a entirely new creature brimming with awesome characters, beautiful visuals, great performances, and a stellar score by Mr. James Horner [making up for his sub-par AVATAR score].

Since I've now established that I can't say this flick qualifies as a 'remake', I will now make the assertion that THE KARATE KID is perhaps the first "great" movie of 2010. Oh, sure, no doubt there's been plenty of "good" and "really good" releases, but "great"? Not so much. KARATE KID is blastin' at all cylinders, absolutely making it one of the most enjoyable and pleasing experiences this year.

Before I go off praising the film for multiple paragraphs, I'll get the [very few] nitpicks out of the way right this instant: as basically every reviewer has noted, the movie isn't short. At 2 hours and 20 minutes, the film is a little long. I've seen the flick twice, and the funny part is the pacing bothered me more the first time than the second. But honestly, if I were a editor looking over this production and deciding what was necessary to cut, I would be forced to do nothing. With the sole exception of one sequence between Dre and Mei at a festival, I couldn't possibly cut a thing. Truthfully, every scene in this movie is integral to these characters and to the emotion the finale brings. Deleting more from the film could (possibly) damage the film. So I'm torn. On one hand, yes - it's long; but on the other hand, I'm entirely OK with it. And the other nitpick: it ends too quickly: happiness. freeze frame. done. C'mon! Give us a epilogue, at least!

Alright, now to the KARATE KID loving: first I wish to mention the sheer amazingness of both Jackie Chan (The Spy Next Door) and Jaden Smith (The Day the Earth Stood Still), something I would never have believed if I didn't see this film. Jackie Chan delivers what could be his best performance of his career [I dunno; haven't seen ALL of his works], being amazingly subtle and very down-to-earth, his eyes and body expression conveying so much with so little (if that makes sense). As Mr. Han, Jackie Chan has effectively won over my respect and showcases that he's much more than just 'the martial arts' guy. And Jaden Smith - perhaps the single most worrisome aspect of the entire production for me. I seriously thought that kid was gonna bomb. Instead, he makes this film. This 12-year old kick hits every emotional beat and comedic moment down to the T; it's Jaden's film, and he damn well knows it. That kid has one hell of a promising career.

Taraji P. Henson (The Curious Case of Benjamin Button) is great as Dre's mom, but she's not given a super duper amount of stuff to do. Basically, she's your cool mom who can also be really, really annoying in a single instant. And Wen Wen Han as Mei Ying, Dre's schoolboy crush, is pretty damn adorable and works fine for what the movie asks of her. The bully dudes who kick Dre's arse all throughout school are pretty cool, truth be told. Their English may be a bit dodgy at times, but there's no denying they look totally badass and do their role perfectly enough that you can't wait for Jackie or Jaden to show them who's boss.

As for the karate/kung fu [aka the general only-reason-I'm-seeing-this-movie-damnit!], it's brutal, it's awesome, and it's very real. When the kids beat Dre up at the park and later outside his apartment building, it's ruthless, cruel, and dangerous. That's something this flick does well: it makes the karate a lethal force all on its own when used by Dre's enemies, but something akin to harmony and peacefulness as taught (properly) by Chan onto Dre. The final battle scene when Dre can finally lock in combat against those who have made him fearful is deliciously satisfying and extremely exciting. If one has any problem with the running time, the fight makes it totally worth it.

Direction by Harald Zwart is especially noteworthy. Harald uses zooms and hand held on a multitude of occasions, and uses it well without going overboard. This works to create even more intensity and gloom & doom during the tournament face off against Dre and his bully-er person. The score, provided by James Horner (The Mask of Zorro) hits all the right notes: intense and brutal during the fight scenes, epic when it looks like all hope has failed, and learning montagey during the learning montages. The film's screenplay is pitch perfect. We get this kid, we understand where he's coming from, and we instantly love him from scene one onwards. The script does a marvelous job with its characters and plotlines, and I wholeheartedly endorse it for some sort of big league nomination.

In a nutshell, THE KARATE KID does everything right. I love it. I recommend it. I'll own it on DVD. I'll listen to the commentary, watch the deleted scenes, the whole nine yards. If you have any reservations still standing against this 'remake', I implore you to just give in and see this goldmine. It's great, and at the very, very least, you'll get a nice laugh out of the jokes and some 'ooo, aaaahh' from the fight scenes. Go see KARATE KID!