11 February 2011

OMENS: Attack of the 50 Ft. Woman

Attack of the 50 Ft. Woman

Starring Allison Hayes, William Hudson, Yvette Vickers. Written by Mark Hanna. Directed by Nathan Juran. Release: 19 May 1958. Allied Artists, 65 mins., Rated G

Plot: Thanks to being exposed to high doses of radiation by a 'satellite', Nancy Archer has grown super sized to knock some sense into her cheating husband!

The public domain classic. Long have I wanted to see ATTACK OF THE 50 FT. WOMAN, although the reason why is a tad odd. In countless movies and TV shows, you see the poster. It's there, sticking out at you, to the point you're not really concentrating on the dialogue or drama of the movie. Simultaneously, it's also reminding you that ya really oughta see ATTACK OF THE 50 FT. WOMAN. And here we are. Thanks to Instant Streaming, my dream has been fulfilled, and like most dreams, the actual product ends up not being as amazing as expected. In this case, of course, I went in knowing full well the movie was true camp, and I expected as much and pretty much got that. More thoughts below, but first, I figured it would be a little bit more fun to make notes while watching the movie. Enjoy:

*A globe! Anyone else notice that there's nearly always a globe in classic sci-fi films? Perhaps the most unsettling thing was that the 'newscaster' didn't seem all that familiar with how to use a globe.

*Woman stops car and screams at the giant white 'object' of death right in front of her. And continues to scream at the car. One more scream. Get outta the car lady - there ya go. Oh, look! Giant manly hand! Yes, run now, running would be good.

*Maybe 50 FT. WOMAN exists in previous sci-fi cannon, cos the Sheriff and his deputy don't seem all that shaken up, let alone surprised, about news of this "30 foot giant!" Now there's an interesting thought: somehow connecting most if not all 1950s sci-fi flicks together into one cohesive story. I'd see that.

*This is bad dialogue. But I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

*A giant hand that has no means of holding something small was targeting her diamond?

*Nancy reminds me of Bella: Zero personality, highly dependent on her equally zero dimensional 'partner.' "Harry, I need you...all to myself."

*Looks like the Gollum Dance.

*It may just be me, but I'm guessing it would be relatively easy to stop a thirty-foot tall person walking through open fields, yet Harry and Nancy are looking so vigorously like they're locating a ant that's, say, levitating in the air or something.

*WOAH! Where did the 30-foot tall bald man come from? INSIDE the 'satellite'? OMG! And look at Harry skedaddle, leaving poor Nancy to her assured demise.

*35 minutes in, and I would really love to see an attack by a fifty-foot woman instead of a drama about a cheating husband.

*Ah, and here we are at the necessary scientificy mumbo-jumbo jargony expository scene complete with old men wearing glasses. There's even a professor with an accent. One question: how do you operate on a 50 foot woman?

*The giant bald ghostly man that apparated from the 'satellite' started off all menacing like just faltered halfway through the take and looked absolutely confused, as if he forgot what he was hired for. So in gorgeous slow-motion, we watch the entity be overcome with amnesia and walk away.

*I'm pretty sure Scientist/Doctor Dude #2 forgot his line momentarily. Hehe.

*YES! 55 mins. in a 105 min. movie, the 50-foot woman is finally gonna get her attack on!

*Why is she appear as a ghost sometimes and completely corporeal other times?

*Instead of the scientists coming up with some super powerful deus ex machina device at the eleventh hour, the 50 foot woman gets defeated by a impossible shot made by a dumb Sheriff by blowing up a electrical tower knocking her to the ground? What?

*Wow ATTACK OF THE 50 FT. WOMAN ended abruptly.

So, the movie doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Indeed, it's to be expected. This whole satellite thing comes and goes and is given plenty of screentime but never explained. But my biggest problem, and the thing that saddens me the most, is that the titular piece of interest is only on screen for friggin' 6 minutes! The 50 foot woman doesn't even attack until the final 3 minutes! At the very least, that's pretty epic, as she crashes the bar where her husband is making his drunken move on his lady friend. So, kudos to you Nancy Archer in that regard, but c'mon: the 50 foot woman shoulda showed up at the 40 min. mark and went on a radioactive-infused rampage.

Lack of a fifty foot woman going crazy aside, the movie lives up to expectations. Hilariously bad dialogue, mediocre to bad actors, meh special effects - it's all there and it's fantastic. But, surprisingly, this movie does come with a unexpected message: Dudes, don't cheat, cos you have no assurances that your gal ain't gonna squash you like a bug when she finds out, large-sized or nay. Pretty sure a few dudes watching this at the drive in were a tad uncomfortable just then.

There's a remake with Daryl Hannah, but from what I hear, it's not any better than this. Anyone seen it? Recommend or not recommend?

As for 1958's ATTACK OF THE 50 FT. WOMAN, coulda been better of course, but I still dig it for what it is. Oh, the 50s, I love you.

Netflix Rating: Liked It

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