Vampires SuckStarring Jenn Proske, Matt Lanter, Christopher N. Riggi. Written and directed by ason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. Release date: 18 August 2010. Fox, 88 mins., Rated R
Plot: The guys who eliminated brain cells with EPIC MOVIE, MEET THE SPARTANS, and DISASTER MOVIE are back to riff the TWILIGHT SAGA, meshing elements (read: scenes) from TWILIGHT and NEW MOON [in addition to random ALICE IN WONDERLAND and JERSEY SHORE cameos].
Plot: The guys who eliminated brain cells with EPIC MOVIE, MEET THE SPARTANS, and DISASTER MOVIE are back to riff the TWILIGHT SAGA, meshing elements (read: scenes) from TWILIGHT and NEW MOON [in addition to random ALICE IN WONDERLAND and JERSEY SHORE cameos].
The beautiful thing about THE TWILIGHT SAGA is that we don't necessarily need a movie to poke fun at it; they're bad enough as is, and the audience can deliver the punchlines themselves MST3K-style. It's in this environment I watched VAMPIRES SUCK, the latest Oscar contender from EPIC MOVIE and MEET THE SPARTANS writers/directors Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. A get together with some friends, loads of Dr. Pepper, and a few Little Ceasers pizzas (the best) is the perfect way to watch a incredibly bad 'satire' and make it somewhat less bad. By no means by the end of this will I say VAMPIRES SUCK is worth your time - although I reckon there just might be something akin to chuckle-worthy 'jokes' (e.g., "cat!") - but if you were to indulge in your curiosity of the title, a friend-rich atmosphere is recommended. And pizza.
As for 'reviewing' VAMPIRES SUCK, I truly believe it's a impossible feat. Besides, there's a few thousand reviews circulating on movie review websites blasting the flick a bazillion different ways with some quite inventive disses (BTW, kudos folks!). The thing is, most of us have seen DATE MOVIE way back when, before we realized exactly what type of filmmakers we were dealing with. And then in 2008 the appropriately titled DISASTER MOVIE which only the really, really unintelligent teenagers of my time found utterly hilarious. We know what Friedberg and Seltzer produce, and if the idea of getting a few nags at the TWILIGHT SAGA (which you could do on your own, entirely for free, and would most likely far surpass anything this film had to offer in the hilarity department) tempts you, than it's a moderately sufferable enterprise. Just be warned, there's the familiar farting, falling-out-a-window, and running-into-something gags that are a Friedzer staple [see what I did there? I mixed their names together! Like a 'ship'!]. Oh, and on occasion the [point] 'Look! It's [insert current fad here]!'.
It sorta sucks, too. I enjoy dissing THE TWILIGHT SAGA as much as the next moderately intelligent bloke, so it would have been pleasing to actually have a comedy that executes its premise well. No matter, there's still two movies left to go. In that time frame, who knows what super clever and outrageously hilarious vampire satire will grace our screens. I wager it's too much to hope for something of a SHAUN OF THE DEAD-type quality. Gasp! I invoked the Wright/Pegg/Frost dynamic in a VAMPIRES SUCK review...what's wrong with me?
As for 'reviewing' VAMPIRES SUCK, I truly believe it's a impossible feat. Besides, there's a few thousand reviews circulating on movie review websites blasting the flick a bazillion different ways with some quite inventive disses (BTW, kudos folks!). The thing is, most of us have seen DATE MOVIE way back when, before we realized exactly what type of filmmakers we were dealing with. And then in 2008 the appropriately titled DISASTER MOVIE which only the really, really unintelligent teenagers of my time found utterly hilarious. We know what Friedberg and Seltzer produce, and if the idea of getting a few nags at the TWILIGHT SAGA (which you could do on your own, entirely for free, and would most likely far surpass anything this film had to offer in the hilarity department) tempts you, than it's a moderately sufferable enterprise. Just be warned, there's the familiar farting, falling-out-a-window, and running-into-something gags that are a Friedzer staple [see what I did there? I mixed their names together! Like a 'ship'!]. Oh, and on occasion the [point] 'Look! It's [insert current fad here]!'.
It sorta sucks, too. I enjoy dissing THE TWILIGHT SAGA as much as the next moderately intelligent bloke, so it would have been pleasing to actually have a comedy that executes its premise well. No matter, there's still two movies left to go. In that time frame, who knows what super clever and outrageously hilarious vampire satire will grace our screens. I wager it's too much to hope for something of a SHAUN OF THE DEAD-type quality. Gasp! I invoked the Wright/Pegg/Frost dynamic in a VAMPIRES SUCK review...what's wrong with me?
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